11/05/2024

HI DIARY!!!! I"M ALIVE!!!!!! Just read de end of ma last entry were I say I wish it were Fall, LOL it completely ez now!! I MISSED U SM LUVLY!!! Rn I'm listenin 2 Three Star Compartment by Heavenly, I am soooo obsessed wid dis band, like I'm just now listenin 2 dis album + omg, rlly es completely, well, HEAVENLY! De covr is dis incredibly cute kitten, just prfct. Anyway, even tho it's NOV 5th it is still vry hawt in dis stupid city, blegh.... I dn't like talkin abt negative stuff on here, but de reason y I havn't been updatin as much as I want is bcuz I am kind of goin thru it eep now I'm cryin a little, 2 tired 2 cry... I rlly just wish dat it waz Tgiving alrdy, it's weird I made it thru 10 weeks of horrible skewl + went home 1 wknd wit ma twin, + now it is so hard 2 get thru these last 4 weeks. I mean, I'm counting the days obsessively now + what can I do? Now I'm listenin 2 SO TRU by Confidence Man, hopefully dat wil cheer me up! I dn't kno how 2 rlly describe it, maybe I jus had a rlly rough Monday. I'm a senior + I'm almost @ break, + I'm sure I'll make it, but it has been sooo idk painful l8ly? I think I said dis abt wrking @ dat horrible job ovr the summer, but yeah it is not easy 2 get up evry day + live in an environemnt where u r constanly miserable, feel like ur being stared @, where nbdy around u cares abt u, + b4 I cud like close myself off + I waz fine, but my neighbors r so horrible + idk I'm so busy, time is just movin soooo slowly 2day it waz rlly like The Red Leaf by Shaun Tan, u kno? The world is a deaf machine, nbdy cares, wonderful things r passing u by, I love dat story sm, it gets me thru a lot. But yeah, things just went from bad 2 worse, 1st of all I'm exhausted from livin in dis horrible enviroment, but then I have 2 keep goin 2 all these horrible classes? + try + put my best effort in2 my wrk? I also have 5 classes on Monday so it is the wrst, evry morning I dream of just not going in sigh.... Anyway, 1st class, stupid Spanish exercise (yesh, I am a senior doin my language, dn't judge!) + I'm u kno mumblin thru it, but with enrgy and smilin, u kno being nice, + it's just dis stupid activity we do evry day with the same partner, so I'm like tryin 2 get sumthin out + I'm like sry did dat make sense, did he get enough of it, fill in the blanks u kno? + dis guy is just so rude 2 me talkin 2 me like I'm an idiot, + he's 1 of those jock str8 guys, u kno, who ur paired with + right away just the way they lewk @ u, u kno they h8 u, + I'm not stupid, I kno I'm bad @ Spanish + dat I'm like sum gay nerd, but dat drives me crzy bcuz I dn't want 2 b partnered wit u either, and again I come in with enrgy + smilin + bein nice rlly tryin my best, and again dis is week 11, + he is still like starin @ me like I can't like recognize how he is treating me, like who cares? I've nvr wanted 2 cry in class b4, but I did 2day, I think I'm rlly sensitive 2 things like dat, it kind of just threw me off 4 the rest of the day. + then u kno, next class I'm out of it, 3rd class we do dis weird activity where we're in small groups (my highschool nightmare all ovr) I feel like an awkward freshman, crowded out, u kno excuse me reachin past my groupmates 2 get the assigment sheet @ all 5 activities, standin behind them, not rlly being included, am I crzy but y do ppl act like dat? Again, in evry class, even now dat I'm exhuasted I come in smiling + joking + ready to try + being nice, + I'm just standing there staring @ them, so eventually I go sit down on my own 2 do my wrk, cuz now the guy in my group is doin that thing where they walk around in ur space like u aren't there, + then even kind of just seperating myself I feel like the asshole bcuz now I'm bein rude or a bby idk. Total freshman feeling, excpet 4 wrse. + then more things, neighbors slamming doors etc, but then my last class was fine, + I only have 1 tmrw! + gifcities is back online + I found my month graphics again, as u can tell! Also de election is tmrw, 2day I guess, so now I'm rlly just worried abt dat lol! I rlly need 2 update dis more regularly, so much 2 say ah! Been workin on my XMAS playlist, dat's makin me feel btr, I'm rlly excited! Now I'm listenin 2 It's Gonna Be Alright by S-Connection, maybe it will b! Gud things on the way, my family who luvs me, bein home, my room I luv, video games oh I've been decorating my Cookie Run Kingdom 4 XMAS 2! I'm gonna decorate my ACCF home as well, + participate in the FFXIV event, can't wait! Seeing old friends back home, new music I luv, reading books, ppl have endured worse. I'm rlly just writing dis 2 myself as a promise, dat I can get thru dis horrible time, only 17 more days! Lots more 2 say, but time 4 bed! Bye diary, sweet dreams 4 u + me!

"And I can grow a pair of wings. And I can take up flying, there'd be no crying"

08/25/2024

Ok hello diary!!! I'm totally back finally now lol! Rn I'm listenin 2 Erase and Rewind by Ashley Tisdale, her 2nd album is like total pop-rock kind of experimental cool I'm rlly luvin it! So much haz happened since my last entry, eeep where 2 strt?? I'm tragically back in skewl..... omg it sux majorly My neighbor keeps slamming his fcking door, he's like one of dos braindead jock party guys, like hellow dis is not a fraternity, dis es not a state u, dis es a small liberal arts skewl!!! Even tho I'm a guy, I completely think abt the scum manifesto @ times like deze. If u can't function out in the world u shud not b allowed 2 live communally, like how fucking socially braindead can u b?? Sry but this is major pissin me off. Anyway..... I watched Amelie 4 da 1st time ystrday + OMG I LUVED IT!!!!! I cannot stawp finkin abt the ending scene where their on the bike 2gether, aahhhh! Cute! It like makes me beleive in angels + luv + happy endings + the goodness of life, truth! Def gonna add 2 the list of things I watch around da holidays, like dat great feelin u know? I like 2 watch My Dinner With Andre on or around New Year's, and I always think of Kiki's Delivery Service as a gr8 holiday time watch. Speakin of, I'm SOOOO xcited 4 Fall!!! It cannot come fast enough, there waz like 2 days of cold + now it's freakin hawt again, the worst! Now I'm listenin to 2 Times by Ann Lee, prbbly the most prfct song eva, + omg the mv is beyond cute, that's rlly how dis Fall es gonna b!! Rlly been in2 positivty l8ly as prt of my new positive life, I've also been watchin those old Strawberry Shortcake specials, they are soooo cute! I alwys like cry every episode bcuz she'll like get tricked by the evil pie man and strt crying + omg it hurts my heart she is sooo cute... Anywat btr wrap it up there 4 now, think of me diary I'll b thinkin of u! I wish I were home 4 Thanksgiving + I wish it were Fall.... Bye diary!

"And I can grow a pair of wings. And I can take up flying, there'd be no crying"

07/17/2024

Ok hello diary!! Missed u! as u can hopefully c, I've got some emoticons going, finally!! Yay, it is so hard 2 find sum of the right size... Rn I'm listening 2 When U Were Mine by Cristina, from Sleep it Off, 1 of my fave albums of all time! I'm happy rn cuz it's my 1st day off, but man I h8 my job. It's just a stupid summer concessions job, but it totally sux... Oh well, I'm just gonna strt askin 4 more days off, idc if I get less $, it's so incredibly draining I just dn't want 2 go back. Like it's not fun 2 go in2 dis place evry day where the ppl around u just dn't care if u live or die, it's like dat kind of stupid nothing work. Even @ like a real job, @ least u like r friendly with ur cowrkers + get 2 kno them, u kno? There isn't rlly a chance 4 dat flipping burgers + stuff. I'm looking 4ward 2 my bday tho, dat's comin up rlly soon! My mom told me dat it's supposed 2 be on a full moon dis year, like it's a big cosmic change breakin sum cycle or sumn, sweet! The full moon dis month is the hunter moon, prtty cul I guess like the Bjork song lol! Dat's rlly all dat's new with me, hopin I feel btr soon. Looking 4wrd 2 JT's new album, comes out so close 2 ma bday I can't wait! Think I'm gonna watch dat Daniel Radcliffe (so cute!) Woman in Black movie, hope I dn't get 2 scrd!! Bye diary, check back soon!

"And I can grow a pair of wings. And I can take up flying, there'd be no crying"

07/02/2024

I'm back diary!! Ok so I waz on vacation with ma family, we went 2 da beach omg it waz sooo fun actually! I waz like freakin cuz we left rite az Shadow of the Erdtree released O_o but it waz so gr8 2 c evrybdy + the beach waz such a nice change yeah! I totally 4got from when I waz a kid + we wud take this trip evry yr, but I totally saw a ton of dolphins which waz magical! I just read A Ring of Endless Light dis summa 4 da 1st time so I waz rlly in2 it! ouo Rn I'm listening 2 I Still Love You Boy by Tommy February6 az I right dis. So yeah it waz gr8, rlly recharging. My sister's moved out for a prgrm she's doing now, she's livin with her boyfriend too oh la la! They've been dating 4 so long, since like highschool majorly, so I'm just like omg can u get married dat wud be so cool!! So I'm missin her, my twin leaves in a couple days 4 dis study abroad thing + I'm RLLY gonna miss them... -n- It's gnna b da 1st time eva dat we're apart 4 our birthday... but we'll celebrate just a week l8r so it's not 2 bad! Hmmm wat else? I'm about 2 finish Never Let Me Go which I'm liking, I've done so much reading dis summa, so proud of myself yah *\(ouo)/* Just watched Problemista which rlly hit me in da feelz, yeowch XoX I still haven't nailed how 2 add little famicons so I'm gonna keep messin round wid dat, + I can't find my source 4 my little month gifs so I might lewk 4 sum new ones, sigh. 2day waz prtty gud, I've just been gamin non-stop so feelin gud. Walkin dis evenin I saw a cardinal + dis cute street rite by ma house dat I'd just nvr gone down b4, like da prettiest street I've ever seen. + there waz like a warm breeze, + the cicadas singing, + all these ppl hangin out in these super cute 2 story houses, oh I saw these rlly bizarre flowers just growing in sum1s yard bed like they planted dem u kno? These like alien long stem things with blue/pruple spiky heads, so sick! I also thot dat dis open window I saw with dis curtain blowing in it waz rlly prtty too, I luv those long skinny windows like dat on the 1st floor. I've also been thinkin dat I rlly want a boyfriend or @ least 2 do things wit sumbdy, I always think dat sum1 will just walk up 2 me on the street + say hey let's have sex or hey let's kiss or sumthin, maybe sumthin more romantic. I stared @ dis gif 2day, it seems so easy like here is wat I want Mwah But ofc dats not rlly real, I mean I rlly want 2 find luv online now, but I dn't want 2 like download an app, u kno? Waoh, dat waz majorly vulnerable, OoO. Heehe. Overall, life is not 2 bad, who knows wat will happen 2morrow? Probably more Elden Ring lol! Bye diary!

"And I can grow a pair of wings. And I can take up flying, there'd be no crying"

06/16/2024

Hi diary!!! Sry I know it's been a while, but I'm feeling called 2 write now and I'm going for it! I'll try to be more active here on out, at least once a week... (we'll see) Rn I'm listing to The Voice of Love by Julee Cruise, I love this album soooo much! I was thinking, is it more of a Summer album, or a Winter album? Maybe perfect for Fall? Idk, some things I love year-round, just complements every season I guess! Those are my favorite albums, the ones that can go with any moment, not everything does. I'm not adding any here cause I want to get this down, but I really want to add like emoticon gifs to these.... It's Father's Day, and I had a pretty good day. My dad wanted to hike this morning but that was cancelled (fine by me!) and so I just helped my mom make a coconut cream pie instead, so many steps! It was weird being awake so early and on so little sleep lol, but it was of course worth it. Then me and all my siblings, and parents, went to a place for lunch which was in a cute part of town I never really see so that was cool. Then we visited with my grandparents on my mom's side, (it's my Nana's birthday today as well) which was nice, they're doing a lot better. I learned that golf is actually kind of interesting, I wish we got more channels at home! This has really been a summer of reading for me, I circled back and finished Wuthering Heights which I'm really proud of. It was actually a pretty quick read I loved it so much and the plot was really entertaining, I just struggle to finish any book I start. I'm reading Hangsaman by Shirley Jackson now and I'm loving it, kind of messing with my head though. Oh I wanted to say, watched the original Mad Max with family yesterday, kind of a Father's Day pick, but it was soooo good! Final thoughts, it was like the hottest most humid day every out today, like truly disgusting. OMG I actually start work tomorrow which is like an outside concessions type job, fml!!!! Back to today, like I said I was pretty tired from waking up so early, so I went to bed in the afternoon-ish so I could stay up tonight before I start work (it's like an evening job). I had the strangest very vivid dream, it was around Christmas time, I think, and so it was kind of cold. I was in rooms, but they were very dark spaces. I was with my family, extended too, maybe because it was such a family day today this brought it on, and my uncle who passed away was there as well. I remember nobody acted any differently or like that was surprising and I was really happy. I love my cousins and that still really hurts but I guess I never think about what their Father's Days are like. So it was Christmas and then I was in this dark cabin, like a below room, with some family, and there was like a singing fish toy I played. Something about a restaurant that was a draw to the town, and then some kind of fight about a toy car with some other people at the end. I woke up disoriented, I haven't taken an early nap like that in a long time I guess. Oh right, earlier in the dream, or maybe throughout, I kept wanting to hear this one song and hearing sort of the beginning of it, you know where your brain kind of fills it in? The song was "XTC Final" by SG Lily, listen here! It was dark out and my parents had gone to bed, and my sister had gone home, I was sad becuase I was watching some Sex and the City with her earlier, I've seen it all and she's way behind. Going outside, it was still so hot out and I was like why isn't it cold, it was shocking. There's a cool kind of over half illuminated moon out that I saw really brightly, and I saw a firefly. The moon this month is called the Strawberry moon I think, my mom told me, I'll have to look that up. Overall, a nice day. Bye Diary, I'll try to write more next week!

"And I can grow a pair of wings. And I can take up flying, there'd be no crying"

05/25/2024

Entry 2 here we go! I hope my text doesn't freak out dis time.... (˘_˘) I'm listening 2 "5 String Sereande" by Mazzy Star rn as I type dis. 2day turned out 2b prtty gr8, prbbly my best summer day so far. Ystrday I got sum bad news, that my Grandma's in the hospital cuz of smthn with her medication. I said a prayer 4 her last nite + I went with my dad + twin 2 let her dog out 2day. She's doing btr, + I'll keep her in my thoughts, what else can u do I guess? Driving in her neighborhood, "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman came on the radio. I alwys thought dat song waz kind of corny, but it rlly hit me then 4 sum reasn. The sun waz shining, birds were singing, sum kids were playing in their front lawn, sum1 waz mowing theirs, I thought it waz incredibly beautiful. I'm rlly a winter/fall lovr, but I guess I can get in2 summer a little. Grandma's house, photos of me and my siblings when we were rlly little, the clock I love sm chimed and the little ppl danced around, it opens up it's so cool! Made me kind of sad/happy I guess. Walking da dog dis evening, there were birds singing above me + it was so nice out, I heard ppl in the neighborhood like having a party, the sun set and I picked this cool yellow flower that I have nvr rlly seen dat kind b4. + then I saw a dark frog in the alley, cool but creepy! Dis haz been kind of long, but 1 more thang, last nite I dreamed that I waz back in Prague studying abroad (_ _ ) . . z Z (dat's abt all I have dreamz of now lol) and I rlly miss being there. Ok, bye diary! Fave song of 2day waz "Love Me Not", by Ravyn Lenae, listen here!

"And I can grow a pair of wings. And I can take up flying, there'd be no crying"

05/23/2024

Ok, so I'm officially starting the diary now! Prfctly formatted or not... (¬､¬) 2day waz a prtty gud day, Pinkpantheress released a new song which I'm listening 2 on loop, it's saur gud!!!ヾ(>∇<)ゞ listen here!

It's also the Flower Moon 2nite which I can't wait 2 c.... ٩(╹▿╹)۶ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ rn I'm like typing 1 space ahead, dis is so annoying wth.... oh well! I picked up the 2nd vol of #DRCL Midnight Children + luvd it!!(≧∇≦) There waz a lightning storm last nite/early dis mrning + @ de exact same time, it started raining in da game I waz playing (Bully) Kind of freaky. Speaking of games, I've been grinding in GBF: Relink (which I luv!) but it is so hard 2 do offline that I've taken a break (I want 2 unlock Tweyen sooo bad!) ˙◠˙ I'll leave it there 4 now, gotta work on making dis thang lewk gud! Bye diary! (P.S. I luv dat monkee gif so much, I'm adding it here sumwhere hehee)

"And I can grow a pair of wings. And I can take up flying, there'd be no crying"